Monday, December 22, 2008

Poll: Who Else Is Least Worthy?

You may remember when we posted what went on to become the world's closest 6-way poll ever. Well, again playing off the inarguable truth that a man's value to society is determined solely by his athletic prowess and a woman's solely by her physical attractiveness (that's sarcasm, folks), let's move on to round two of the least deserving athlete poll. To review the criteria for candidacy and rules for voting:

  • Don't make a snap judgment based on the hotness of the wife/girlfriend. The crappiness of the player must be given equal weight in the decision.
  • The athlete has to be currently active.
  • The wife/girlfriend has to have obtained some level of celebrity not related to being with the athlete.
  • The relationship has to be more than a brief hookup.
  • To avoid systematic bias, current or former Dodgers are not included (sorry Julia Shultz).

Here are the candidates in random order:

1) Marko Jaric, Grizzlies Guard (fiancé: Victoria Secret model Adriana Lima). Where to start? His NBA career has redefined the losing paradigm: He went from the Clippers (.369 win % during his 3 years there) to the Timberwolves (0.354 in 3 years) to Memphis (0.346 in 26 games). And it's not like he's contributing in spite of the losing. While I won't kick a man while he's down and mention his exact stats, let's just say that this year I'm averaging only 1.1 ppg and 7.6 mpg fewer than he is.

2) Jeff Garcia, Buccaneers QB (wife: Playboy Playmate Carmella DeCesare). Granted, Garcia has had a good if unspectacular career. But just take a look at the girl on the left below. Then take a look at the guy to her right. Then repeat after me: WTF??

3) Hank Baskett, Eagles Receiver (fiancé: Playboy model Kendra Wilkinson). How did a guy who's never topped 35 catches or 500 yards in a season manage to net the Girls Next Door vixen? Hint: on the football field, he's not competing with 82-year olds.

4) Macaulay Culkin (girlfriend: actress Mila Kunis). Ok, so he's not an athlete. But he's been dating the überhot Mila Kunis for 6 years (and counting) thanks to one successful movie almost 20 years ago. So I had to include him. But judging from the photo below, at least he seems to know his place in the relationship.

So there are your choices (if there are other undeserving athletes out there that we've missed, let us know!).

Who's least worthy?
Marko Jaric
Jeff Garcia
Hank Baskett
Macaulay Culkin
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Orel said...

"He's not competing with 82-year olds." Burn!

Anonymous said...

Alyssa Milano/Entire Dodgers Team


Brad Penny/Eliza Dushku

Good timing too, considering that in 2008, Penny was not only fat and ugly, but also shitty at his job. :o

MR.F said...

Damn. Mila Kunis plays World of Warcraft with Macaulay Culkin.

Eric Karros said...

Mila plays World of Warcraft? What a dork. I don't understand why Macaulay is with her, I guess he sees something in her.

Rob said...

Macaulay Culkin. And it's not even close.

QuadSevens said...

I was just watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall on my flight up to norcal, and I'll be finishing it on my flight back. My vote has to be for Culkin. Mila is waaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too hot for him.

Eric Karros said...

I agree Mila was particularly enticing in Sarah Marshall, but I don't know. Just look at Adriana Lima. I find it hard to argue against Marko Jaric as luckiest dude alive.

QuadSevens said...

Marko is pretty damn lucky, that's for sure. Plus he looks like a badly drawn cartoon character. The fact that he is with Adriana Lima is inconceivable!

Unknown said...

Any points for the fact that Garcia is clearly with the playboy playmate to cover up for the fact that he plays for the other team?

Eric Karros said...

T.O., is that you?

Unknown said...

Hey, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, well bygone, it must be a duck!

Unknown said...

ps. That was my quarterback...sob sob sob.

Neeebs (The Original) said...

I was afraid that one of the choices was going to be Neeebs and his wife.

But I'm way hotter than Macaulay.

Anonymous said...

Adrina Lima could have gotten anybody probably; she just happened to go for an NBA player

Eric Karros said...

She went for an NBA player? When did this happen? I thought she was with Marko Jaric.