Saturday, September 06, 2014

Guest Article: Triple Play Hipster

He's a Cornhusker fan. He MCd my own personal roast (even though he wasn't invited). He's performed stand up comedy next to a dart board WHILE IT WAS BEING USED. He's suffered in the mire of Wrigley before discovering the light of the Dodgers. And he's been drug free since halfway through this guest article. Ladies and gentlemen: SuperFan and Iron Sheik Sympathizer, SOSG TODD.

Having been reared on sports induced heartbreak, I’ve always been more of a condolence giver than a smack talker. Even on that one weekend a season when our own #ineedmydelino reverts back to being a Mets fan, I tried to be gracious and supporting of his horrible life decision by sending him the following text from the reserve level last Sunday afternoon.

“Picked a bad Mets game to miss.”

Two days later he replied back. (Editor's Note: If it's the choice between texting Todd and staring at the wall, well there's no choice at all.)

“Seriously. Triple Play. “

“Big deal. Already saw one of those this season.”

And with that text, I cemented my unfortunate status as a triple play hipster.

In just under two months I’ve personally witnessed 22% of the triple plays turned against the Dodgers since they became the Los Angeles Dodgers. As first year as full-fledged season ticket holders, there have been some historic moments to witness at the stadium. Was I there for Ryu’s deep run at perfection? Nope. I was at a Memorial Day BBQ hiding in the bathroom staring at my phone until the Reds strung together some hits in the 8th inning.

Was I there for Kershaw’s gem? Nope. Watched that one from the couch because I was “too exhausted” from going to the ravine the previous three nights. Vin on the TV from start to finish (thank you Time Warner) made missing that one much more bearable.

Thanks to Puig’s base running gaffes (or well-intentioned aggressiveness, depending on your world view), I’m now immune to anything bad that can ever happen to Dodgers offensively.
Thank you Puig for being the rattlesnake to my Billy Jack.

While I can’t guarantee you can develop immunity as quickly as I did, I made a handy guide to help you cope should you ever get to witness a triple play in-person.

Stages of reacting to a triple play:

1. Momentary Confusion (If a replay review IS involved.)

The first notch in Puig’s triple play belt was thanks to Terry Francona coming out of the dugout to argue he was out at second after tagging up from first. Because of the excitement of a bang-bang play at the plate, it took a moment for those of us in the stands to do the math and realize that a triple play was at stake. Once we did, it was a nervous few minutes while we awaited word from New York. Donnie Baseball coming out to argue that Gordon was safe at home really botched what could have been a somewhat quick execution at the hand of the ump.


1. Shock (If a replay review is NOT involved.)

Sunday’s triple play wasn’t so much painful as it was disappointing. As in your grandpa told you he was disappointed in you- the absolute worst form of disappointment on the planet. Sure, getting a potentially game changing rally snuffed out by a double play is a bummer, but seeing Puig fly around third only to be dead to rights at home with half a mile to go left the entire crowd speechless.

After confirming what happened really happened with those around you, move to step 2.

2. RAGE!!!

If you have the strength to rip your seat from the concrete by all means do. And don’t be shy about chucking it on the field.


Fred's Brim said...

Todd, I appreciate your guest post but I think you are totally off here: you need to talk waaaay more shit to Delino.

Delino DeShields, Sr said...

I'll see if I can find a transcript of his roast.

Dusty Baker said...

Good point, FB. Good point.