But in all seriousness, I'm honored that Mr LA Sports Fan opted to play Commissioner and nine other SoSG readers are taking part. So hopefully, I don't do you all a disservice and overcome my football (especially fantasy football) naivete to recap a big Week 9.
Dusty Baker 93 (7-2) upset by Nic J 98 (3-6): In just his second loss of the season, Dusty Baker (7-2) looked to Wes Welker in his starting lineup, and Welker delivered a pathetic four points. Not that Dusty had a lot of other options; his benched player only contributed five points at the WR slot. And, so, Nic J took control of the head-to-head matchup, thanks in part to his kicker Akers who had four FG and two extra points to amass 15 points for the week. Fear the foot.
Jason 49 (2-7) slaughtered by Mr. LA Sports Fan 119 (3-6): The battle of 2-6 teams did not go well for Jason, who depended on Seattle RB Lynch to back up his first-stringer from Cincinnati; Marshawn only delivered four points (which I suppose is over 8% of the total week's points, so that isn't all that bad). Meanwhile, Mr. LA Sports Fan had the week's top score, overcoming Thomas Jones' putrid three-point performance through 31-point and 18-point contributions from others.
Professor Dittmore 98 (7-2) beats Karina 92 (5-4): The Professor sat Buffalo WR Evans, which worked out well (he would have contributed only 3 points)--but rode the shoulders of Rodgers, the Cal alum and under-rated Green Bay QB, to victory. Karina was close behind thanks to a great 26-point contribution from Minnesota's Adrian Peterson, but benching Larry Fitzgerald at the WR slot (he had 10 points) was a mistake that would have made the difference in the matchup. Sigh.
Paul 81 (5-4) loses to Meaniebreanie 95 (4-5): Paul can't blame Charger WR Sevi Ajirotutu (whose name rocks the house btw), given his 23-point performance that was the team's second-best contribution this week. But the most points across both teams in the matchup went to Meaniebreanie's Terrell Owens, the volatile Bengals WR, who picked up 26 fantasy points despite his team losing on Monday night.
Spanky 65 (4-5) crushed by Mr. Customer 109 (5-4): Two 4-4 teams met, but Spanky did not come out on top this week; luckily, the benching of Ochocinco (who had only one point) wasn't the deciding factor in Spanky's demise. No, Mr. Customer got an unlikely 18-point contributions from Giants WR Nicks, whose 18 points helped propel Mr. C to victory.
So there you have it, fantasy football recapped for the masses. Week 10's big matchup is Mr. Customer vs. Dusty Baker, with the other four head-to-head plays being Meaniebreanie vs. Mr. LA SportsFan, Spanky vs. the Professor, Jason vs. Nic J, and karina vs. Paul. Go to it, sports fans!