The NL West Is Like a Box of...Cereal

CONTENTS MAY SETTLE DURING SHIPPING. Less than two weeks until spring training and the NL West is like an unshipped box of cereal. Here's a look at one of the quieter divisions this off-season, with teams listed in order of stability. (Hint: Whoever signs Manny becomes the favorite.)

team	comments
Giants	Deepest starting rotation in the division (Lincecum, Johnson, Cain, Zito, Sanchez/Lowry). Only team in the division currently improved from 2008 (despite McCourt's claims). Last in the majors with 94 total home runs, which can be addressed by "stealing" Manny from the Dodgers—then letting him take a crack at Bonds' walk record.
Diamondbacks	Despite being an Arizona afterthought, this is nearly the same team that finished only two games out of first place last season. Like the Dodgers, they have a young core that should improve each year. Johnson has been replaced by Garland and Hudson will be lost to free agency, but the Diamondbacks gain by default if the Dodgers get worse, i.e., fail to sign Manny.
Dodgers	Lost a ton of production in departing players. Hoping to compensate with a young core entering its third full year together. Pitching staff is crippled—lacking a Lincecum/Webb/Peavy-type ace, no available free agent (or even two) will drastically improve it. If the Dodgers sign Manny, they'll hope to outscore their way to the top (!); the Manny-less alternative is bleak indeed.
Rockies	A 74-88 team that trades Matt Holliday and lets Brian Fuentes sign elsewhere is waving the white flag before spring training even begins. More bad news: The season of former ace Francis is in jeopardy. And it's hard to believe Helton still has at least three more years on his contract.
Padres	Good news: The sale of the team is complete, so Padres fans can return their attention to the field. Keeping Peavy—no sure thing—gives the Padres a fighting chance to stay out of the cellar, but being in sale mode has caused too much turnover at other positions. If Peavy is traded, last year's mark of 99 losses will be threatened.

photo from Mind Your Decisions

The Understated Joe Torre

Still much ado about nothing regarding Manny Ramirez, except for this quote at the end of a Joe Torre interview:

Hannah Storm: "If you don't get [Ramirez] back, where does that leave you?"

Joe Torre: "Ah, with a little more work to do."

Reasons To Stay In Bed For Another Three Months

Jon Weisman recently posted a picture which is either a sunrise, or sunset, depending on whether you're a glass half-full or half-empty type of person. But my atmospheric photo is much more bleak. I'm finding it difficult to figure out what excites me less:

• (a) the World Baseball Classic in March; or
• (b) a Dodgers outfield taking the field in April with one-third Juan Pierre.

Really. I may not get out of bed until May.

Caption Contest

As part of the Dodgers' Community Caravan, a group of past and present Dodgers taped an episode of "The Price Is Right" yesterday. The episode will appear March 18.

Caption what host Drew Carey is saying as "Sweet Lou" Johnson, Russell Martin and Mark Loretta take the game show stage. (Difficulty level: no Happy Gilmore.)

"And now please welcome Sweet Lou, Yoga Boy and Don't Call Me Loretta Lynn!"

photo by Amber Matsumoto/Dodgers

Manny Says... (SoSG Exclusive)

Sim GM? Is This for Real?

Look out, Lara Croft.

Like SoSG Sax, I was weaned on Intellivision. My video gaming habit continues to this day in the form of the Xbox 360. (I'm currently in the middle of both GTAIV and Call of Duty 4. Yes, I'm a little behind.)

But even I to had raise an eyebrow at MLB Front Office Manager from 2K Sports. Here's the official description:

MLB® Front Office Manager gives baseball fans the chance to experience their dream job. Take the reins of your favorite Major League™ team and build a championship roster. Make trades, sign free agents, draft prospects and manage games all the way from Spring Training through the Playoffs. Available this Winter for Xbox 360, PlayStation®3 computer entertainment system and Games for Windows, MLB® Front Office Manager is the only MLB licensed game to give fans total control of an MLB franchise.

So basically this is "Sim GM." (Snap into a Sim GM!) What's more, A's General Manager and Moneyball inspiration Billy Beane is the game's "celebrity spokesperson," and he actually appears in the game.

"Tell Mario I'll kick his ass, then trade it to Kansas City."

Is this weird enough yet? I mean, no video game should have the word "Office" in its title. Isn't this virtual pencil pushing? Obviously there's an audience for this, but how much? Will this be a big hit or a niche title?

SoSG readers, what do you think?

2K Sports MLB Front Office Manager:
	I'm all over it!
	Seriously, is this for real?
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Billy Beane's video game pitch: You, too, can be a baseball GM (CNET)

Selig Puts Wall Street Bonus Indiscretions To Shame

As we try and rationalize how investment banking employees earned bonuses while their companies lost billions of dollars, I ran across this article from ESPN, stating that my favorite shoulder-shrugging impotent commissioner Bud Selig made more money than all but three MLB players in 2007, with a salary of $17.5M.

NEW YORK -- Baseball commissioner Bud Selig made more than all but three of his sport's players in 2007.

Selig received a raise of about $3 million to nearly $17.5 million that year, according to Major League Baseball's latest tax return.

His compensation was listed at $17,470,491 for the 12 months that ended Oct. 31, 2007, according to the return, which is available at guidestar.org. That was up from $14,515,071 in the prior 12 months.

MLB's contribution to Selig in its benefit plan was $461,540, an increase from $400,999 in the previous return. He got $422,590 in expense account and other allowances, up from $140,603 in the previous fiscal year.

His total compensation adding benefits and expenses was $18.35 million.

Selig's pay was first reported by the Sports Business Journal.

In 2007, the only players who received higher cash compensation were a trio of the Yankees: Alex Rodriguez at $23 million (plus $4 million deferred), Derek Jeter at $22 million (including a $2 million payment as part of his signing bonus) and Jason Giambi at $21.5 million (including a $500,000 payment as part of his signing bonus). Roger Clemens fell just short at $17,442,637.

An accompanying sidebar lists the other major sporting commissioner's salaries: Roger Goodell of the NFL: $11.2M; David Stern of the NBA: $10M (estimated); Gary Bettman of the NHL: $5.6M. Selig is obviously astronomically higher than any of his peers.

Contrast this salary information with a question asked in ESPN.com's latest Fan Poll (taken from the most recent issue of the magazine; no link):

Yes, I approve of the job this commissioner is doing:
Roger Goodell: 80%
David Stern: 62%
Gary Bettman: 55%
Bud Selig: 42%

42% approval rating. That's less than half of the voters, for those of you who are counting. And $17.5M. Wow.

Manny Ramirez: There Is No Option Two

And with Tuesday morning's rejection of the Dodgers' third and "final final" offer, the hope of Manny Ramirez returning to the Dodgers in 2009 summarily evaporated. At least, that's where we think it's ended, though Scott Boras came out and said Tuesday night that "he expects to resume contract negotiations with Ned Colletti today."

So maybe it isn't over. Maybe it is. Maybe Manny will be a Giant next year, a disaster scenario that strikes despair in the heart of any Dodger fan, let alone Brian Sabean with his $90M payroll limit shattered. Or maybe Ramirez will come back to the Dodgers and be the otherworldly force of human nature that propelled the Dodgers into the playoffs--nay, into the NLCS--last year.

Bill Simmons over at ESPN the Rag did a surprisingly good job at summarizing the Manny dilemma, describing Ramirez as "underrated" despite his hostage taking of the Dodgers:

Forget the sheer entertainment value that comes from following Manny on a daily basis. Just look at the stats. He's three quality seasons away—90 HRs, 300 RBIs, 550 hits and a .900 OPS—from becoming the greatest righthanded hitter ever. Add those to his career numbers, and he's sitting in the top 10 in career OPS and slugging, the top three in RBIs, the top seven in homers and closing in on 3,000 hits. And no one who saw him in all his Ruthian glory with the Dodgers last summer or reach base 24 of 36 times in October can honestly say he's washed up. Say he tanked it in Boston, but only after you concede that he played 22 of 24 games for them in July and had the best offensive month of anyone on a team he was allegedly quitting on.

Whatever. The guy was created to hit baseballs. Even at 36, he can perform this task at an abnormally high level, make any decent team good and any good team great. And yet nobody wants him after his messy divorce with Boston—a divorce that, by the way, the Red Sox cannot escape without blame. Manny gave them seven quality years and two titles, and they yanked him around in Year 8. No, he didn't handle it well; I'm not sure I would have handled it well either.

So he's spent the winter sitting on the open market like a sofa on Craigslist. The Angels, who need him more than anyone, claim they're fine with Juan Rivera. Really? Juan Rivera? That's what you're telling your fans? I don't get it.

All I can tell you is this: Manny is immensely fun to watch day in and day out. He's a monster offensive force, a historic one, even. And he is exceedingly, incredibly available. He will draw fans to any ballpark, and nobody is interested. You can say it's because he's a cancer; I say it's because he's unequivocally underrated.

I am usually not much of a Simmons fan, and I did consider the fact that this may be the evil mind game of a jilted Red Sox fan trying to goad the Dodgers, or someone else, into biting into the poisonous apple just so he can laugh at the sucker team in his column for the next four to five years, should Manny revert to a clubhouse cancer and phone it in each night.

But Simmons does have a point here: Manny Ramirez is exciting as heck to watch as a player. Any fan who came to Dodger Stadium last year and saw a game pre-Manny, and compared it with a game post-Manny, would agree. I'm out there cheering for all the young guys, knowing that one day one may become a superstar as well. But it's nothing like Manny. When he stepped into the batter's box, you put down your Dodger dog, put the beer in the cup holder, and watched. And more often than not, Ramirez delivered.

So Frank and Ned can go out there and proclaim "at some point, we have to move on," but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that any other option isn't even close to being the same. Adam Dunn? Bobby Abreu? Please. That's like comparing a mini-Cooper to a Porsche. They're serviceable hitters--maybe even more attractive economical choices. But are you really going to fire up the car and get off your couch to drive to Dodger Stadium to watch Adam Dunn? And with our half-a-starting-rotation, is there anyone else?

I go to around 10 to 15 games a year regularly, but I'm lucky enough to live close to the stadium so I can make the late call on the fly. Kids already asleep, or an intriguing promotional giveaway, or a pair of tickets fall into my hand? I'm there. But without Manny? I don't know. Factoring in the $15 parking and the $12 beer this year is going to be a lot harder to justify, especially if the entertainment value is definitely at a decline from prior years.

Even as a die-hard Dodger fan, I'm not going to those borderline games if Manny isn't in the lineup. I'm watching on television, for free. And I have a feeling that there's a lot of you that are with me (both on going to fewer games, as well as more cautious about personal finances).

-------

So Frank and Ned can say whatever they want to in the press; it's a negotiation. "We gave him what we thought was a creative proposal." (Except for the fact that it's not the longer-term deal for which he has explicitly asked, true.) "The agent [Boras] is challenging to work with." (No shit, that's why he's an agent, you idiot.) "We've tried hard...I feel very good about the team." (Who are you kidding?)

If the Dodgers really wanted to get creative, they would have expanded the number of years from their original two-year offer, adding performance incentives to insure against lackadaisical play in the out years. Worries about Manny being Manny, or Manny pulling a hammy, are resolved. The Dodgers get a marquee player--perhaps the only one on the team--for years. Done. Easy. Get to work, Ned.

If the Dodgers front office feels cornered, this is only due to their own doing. Their rental of Ramirez last year didn't hit the payroll, but everyone was well aware that it came with the big Boras strings attached. Now that it's time to pay the piper, just like an exploding ARM rate, it's hard to cry foul that you didn't know what was coming. If the Dodgers wanted some negotiating leverage, they would have gone out and signed a CC Sabathia so that they would already have a shotgun shell in the marquee-player chamber, and wouldn't walk into February with a pitching and batting lineup grossly exposed with holes. (Remember all that blather earlier this offseason about "we may need pitching needs more than we need Manny"? Well, now we still have both sets of needs. And it's Spring Training.)

Frank McCourt has cornered himself, and the only remedy now is to open up the pocketbook, something he doesn't like to do (ask the city about the Dodger Trolley), unless it's buying multi-million dollar houses for himself, of course. All of the front office's worst tendencies--excessive parsimony, organizational complacency, public relations ineptitude--are in fine display here. Top-tier MLB teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, and Mets have already addressed most of their needs. The Dodgers still have a lot of shopping left to do.

-------

For most of Frank McCourt's management regime, Nomar Garciaparra has been the face of the Dodger organization. Polite, articulate, occasionally heroic (the 4+1 game, for example) and giving to the community, it was easy to root for Garciaparra despite his litany of injuries and declining defensive abilities. But now Nomar is gone. And who is going to be the face of the organization now?

The best pickup so far this offseason, Rafael Furcal, coming back from injuries? The Ed-Hardy adorned Russell Martin, coming back from a sophomore slump? James Loney, Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier, finally getting used to the limelight? Chad Billingsley, hoping to shake off the playoff blues? Jonathan Broxton, forced into the closer's position by default?

Any of those players might be fine. I like them all. I'll root for them. I'll stand behind them. But not like I'd root for Manny.

Just sign Manny, Colletti, and be done with this awful ice-melting-paced standoff. The deal economics may not pencil out--but hey, that's the price of getting Manny to test-drive for free for two and half months last year. Manny Ramirez is the only viable candidate who can excite the fan base and be the face of the organization for the next two to three years. And any other alternative does not come close.

Don't Forget the Caravan

Andre Ethier prepares for a future in politics.

The Dodgers' Community Caravan continues through Saturday. If you've ever had a burning desire to be served a bowl of matzo ball soup by Russell Martin, today's stop at Canter's may be for you. Here are the remaining dates:

February 4: Community Visits
On Wednesday, the Caravan will visit Childrens Hospital Los Angeles in the morning, serve lunch at Canter's Deli, then at 3 p.m., tape an episode of "The Price is Right," the longest-running television game show, now in its 37th season.

Dodger fans can come to Canter's Delicatessen and Restaurant at 419 North Fairfax Avenue from 12:30 p.m. - 1:30 p.m. and be served their meal by the Dodgers.

City of Hope and Children's Hospital LA are the Dodgers' partners in ThinkCure!, the innovative program that is accelerating collaborative research to cure cancer.

Wednesday's expected stars include James Loney, Russell Martin, Delwyn Young, James McDonald, Mark Loretta, Bobby Castillo, Kenny Landreaux, Ron Cey and "Sweet Lou" Johnson.

February 5: RBI's 20th Anniversary
On Thursday, the Dodgers will attend and support the RBI Dinner, celebrating RBI's 20th Anniversary. Reviving Baseball in Inner Cities is a Major League Baseball program with roots in Los Angeles. Among current Dodgers, James Loney and James McDonald are alumni of RBI. They are expected to attend, along with Honorees Maury Wills and Derrel Thomas.

February 6: Front Office Staff Community Service at Midnight Mission
On Friday, members of the Dodgers front office will volunteer at Midnight Mission on Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles. Midnight Mission offers a bridge to self-sufficiency for homeless people through counseling, education, training, and job placement. Midnight Mission also provides food, shelter, clothing, personal hygiene needs, and medical care.

February 7: Truck Departure to Camelback Ranch-Glendale
On Saturday, February 7, the Dodgers' equipment truck will depart Dodger Stadium for Camelback Ranch-Glendale, home of the club's new campus in the desert. The club will welcome fans to see equipment and the truck up close, then give it a send-off on its historic inaugural journey.

To help the players meet as many fans as possible, the club will ask the players to sign one item per person.

photo by Juan Ocampo/Dodgers

Who Loves Ya, Baby

Mets Nation are breaking up with Manny... though I'm not sure Manny was all that interested in scenic Queens. (Alas, this news seems to have really broken Mr. Met's heart.) I'll compare this to my own official announcement: I'm no longer into Jennifer Connelly.

The Curious Case of Brenda Warner

Is it just me, or did Brenda Warner look a lot younger in this Superbowl than she did in Kurt's first one nine years ago?

Brenda Warner, Age 32

Brenda Warner, Age 41

I guess being a Superbowl MVP affords you certain luxuries working at a supermarket doesn't. Here's hoping Kurt makes it to the Superbowl in 2018 so we can check on her progress.

Brenda Warner, Age 50?

The Best Catch of the Super Bowl

Well That Was Fast

From T.J. Simers at the LA Times:

The Dodgers have offered Manny Ramirez $25 million for one year, and while [Scott] Boras would say later in the evening he has already informed the Dodgers that Ramirez has rejected their offer, he still wanted to chat about the pros and cons of such an arrangement. [...]

Now that Ramirez has rejected the Dodgers' offer, Boras said it's a clear sign there are other teams interested in offering Ramirez more. He will no doubt try to turn the Dodgers' one-year offer into two or three years elsewhere.

Plan B = Adam Dunn? Bobby Abreu? A third offer to Ramirez? Stay tuned.

Dodgers Offer Manny More for Less

Manny Ramirez has indicated he's seeking a long-term deal. So the Dodgers, after pulling their two-year, $45 million offer, are now offering one year at $25 million. Somehow I don't think this is the direction Scott Boras wanted to go in.

Diamond Leung thinks the new offer may allow Ramirez to reassess his timeline:

But accepting $25 million with a week before spring training starts might now be an option for Ramirez given that he would be able to re-enter the free-agent market next year when suitors might be more prevalent.

Meanwhile, Tony Jackson sniffs the scent of "take it or leave it" in the air:

But it also has been hinted to me -- not told to me in so many words, but hinted to me -- that this is akin to a final offer and that the Dodgers will "move on" if Ramirez turns up his nose at it.

Jackson also says we may have an answer by Wednesday.

Your move, Giants.

(Thanks to SoSG reader "A.O." for the heads-up!)

Movin' On Up

This is going to take some getting used to....

Thanks for the memories.

Holy smokes, Jon Weisman's gone corporate! Strange things are afoot at the Baseball Toaster:

• Dodger Thoughts is moving to the LA Times.
• The Baseball Toaster is being disbanded.
• Sadly, Bob Timmermann is shutting down The Griddle.

And over at the LA Times, the Bros. Kamenetzky, former proprietors of Blue Notes, have moved to the Times' Fabulous Forum sports blog. Whew!

Congratulations are obviously in order to Jon, but also to the LA Times—for recognizing the value in Jon's writing and being smart enough to fortify their web presence with it. It's a win-win situation for blogging and journalism alike.

SoSG Thanks You for 500,000 Hits

But really, who's counting? Okay, us! We haven't been this proud since, oh, 300,000 hits. Sons of Steve Garvey would like to thank our readers for being a part of this site—and we hope you're with us when we hit a million!

The Verducci Effect: It's Official

From Diamond:

"Thirty starts times seven innings each outing, so it's a lot of innings," Kershaw said. "I hope to get to 200. I hope they give me a chance."

Manager Joe Torre has always said he would be protective of young arms, and it's interesting to note that Tom Verducci, the co-author of Torre's new book, has done plenty of research on the subject.

The so-called "Verducci Effect" is the increased likelihood of injury or higher ERA during the season after an innings workload has been increased by at least 30 for major league pitchers under the age of 25.

Kershaw pitched 49 more innings in 2008 (171 including minors and playoffs) than he did in 2007 (122). Chad Billingsley, 24, pitched 67.1 more innings in 2008 (214.1 including playoffs) than he did in 2007 (147).

Twenty-nine more innings in 2009 for Clayton Kershaw doesn't seem unreasonable. The wild card, so to speak, is if the team contends for a post-season berth. If those 49 more innings in 2008 make you uncomfortable, the Dodgers' playoff run is partially to blame—Kershaw went 4-2 over 60 innings pitched in August and September.

Additionally, if Kershaw hits 200 innings this year, it will most likely be 200 major-league, i.e., high-impact, innings. If this 200-inning goal is attainable for Kershaw, then much more above that milestone will be cause for concern.

What's worse, the Dodgers only have three definite starters right now. (It's only February, I know.) But an almost-certain lack of starting pitching depth will only add to the pressure on Kershaw to stay healthy. Enjoy, Clayton!

Earlier Verducci Effect content at SoSG: Game 153 Thread: Sept 18 @ Pirates, Should Penny Be Flipped?

Google: America's Gutter

Is there any comfort in knowing we're a nation of perverts? Yes there is. Check out the top post-Super Bowl keyword searches that led to SoSG:

And who is Miss Schmidt? Hint: She's the one who didn't win the Indy Japan 300 in 2008:

More Jersey Suggestions for Russell Martin

Have you heard? Russell Martin is changing his name this season. From Ken Gurnick at Dodgers.com:

As the lettering on the back of his jersey will attest this spring, it's "J. Martin" this year, and that's not the only change Russell Martin would like to announce.

The "J" is Martin's way of paying tribute to his mother, as it represents her maiden name -- Jeanson. Martin's legal name is Russell Nathan Jeanson Coltrane Martin.

"It's kind of cool to give her that. She deserves the recognition," Martin said of his mother. "She's a huge part of my life, and it's time for me to do it."

I had no idea players could customize their jersey names. I always thought professional sports jersey nomenclature was fairly sacrosanct; hence, the big deal surrounding:

SUZUKI --> ICHIRO

HILARIO --> NENE

SMART --> HE HATE ME

...not to mention Chad Johnson's aborted Ocho Cinco name change attempt.

But now that Russell is having his renaming way, what other messages could he send on his jersey—via textile message, if you will? Starting with an autographed jersey (available at Costco! Why not pick up a gross?), we imagined a few possibilities:

Earlier Russell Martin evolutionary content at SoSG: Namaste, Russell

Earlier customizable jersey content at SoSG: Now You Can Be a Genderless, Ethnically Neutral, Four-Batting-Glove-Wearing Homunculus in a Poorly Photoshopped Dodger Victory Mélange

Ichiro photo by Jay Frechette

Super Bowl XLIII Ad Watch

"Hi guys, remember me? I'm the Bridgestone screaming squirrel from last year's Super Bowl Ad Watch! AAAAARGH!"

Who do you want to win the Super Bowl?
	Cardinals!
	Steelers!
	Shhh! Commercial break!
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Congrats, Steelers! You now have as many championships as the Dodgers!

Santonio Holmes! We have a game!

Michaels: "...jacket off...." Must...restrain...self....

I'm kind of disappointed [company name redacted] didn't have an intentionally offensive ad this year. Speaking of which: Do You Use [company name redacted]? A Couple of Cheaper and Maybe Better Alternatives (Sales and Sales Management Blog)

Madden: "If the whole ball gets out...." Must...restrain...self....

Hey, there's a game on!

[TiVo makes time irrelevant!] Pepsi, MacGruber. One for fans of SNL (or Richard Dean Anderson—who has more?). C+.

6:27 Hulu, Alec Baldwin. It's fictional Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming at GE Jack Donaghy shilling for a real online video site! How meta! C+.

6:26Taco Bell, "Just the Two of Us." Cute. C+

6:25 Vizio. Congrats, Vizio. You just made a $3 million radio commercial. D-.

6:23 Cash4Gold.com. Speaking of the recession.... F.

6:21 Coke Zero, Troy Polamalu. Is it me, or do this year's commercials seem especially violent? Seriously, it must have to do with the recession. C+.

Today's Doritos spot.

Today's Jack in the Box spot.

6:17 Ladies and gentlemen, today's theme: Hit by a Bus.

6:10 Jack in the Box, hit by a bus. Um, okay? C.

6:09 Heineken, John Turturro. I understand the need to make money, Mr. Turturro, but this feels wrong. D-.

6:08 NFL, Usama Young. Too long and reenactment seems unnecessary. C-.

6:03 NBC, get some Conan. Plus half a grade for Tina Fey. B-.

6:02 Kellogg's, Frosted Flakes. Congrats, Kellogg's. You just made a $3 million PSA. C-.

6:01 Coca-Cola, insects. Is this another Pixar movie? C-.

5:58 CareerBuilder.com, "It's time." Repeat until humorous. C+.

5:57 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen trailer. B-.

5:55 They just showed Cuba Gooding Jr. in the stands, so here's some beefcake to counterbalance the cheesecake.

5:51 Race to Witch Mountain trailer. Is this a remake? If so, I doubt the original had Stormtroopers. O The Rock, how you've followed the money. Not that I blame you. D+.

5:48 Budweiser, tried his hoof. Scottish Clydesdales, I get it! C-.

5:45 Monster.com, moose ass. Sight gag of the day. B.

5:40 Denny's, free Grand Slam. Great sound work, and I mean that. B-.

5:41 Bridgestone, galactic car theft. Clever. B-.

5:40 Coca-Cola, avatars. Cute, yet promotes anti-social behavior. Plus half a grade because I'm drinking a Coke right now! C.

5:23 NBC, LMAO syndrome. C+.

5:23 Overstock.com, Carlos Boozer. Now why is Carlos Boozer surfing the internet surrounded by children? Creeeeepy. D-.

5:22 Priceline, William Shatner. Kirk's everywhere! C+.

Prince, 2007.

Tom Petty, 2008.

Bruce Springsteen, 2009.

5:08 It's official: No Super Bowl halftime event is complete without a phallic reference.

5:05 NBC, NFL "Heroes." Kind of embarrassing. C-.

5:01 SoBe, male ballerinas. It's no Top Secret! (kinda NSFW!). D-.

4:59 Monsters vs. Aliens trailer. Independence Day for kids. D+.

4:52 Cheetos, obnoxious yakking lady. D.

4:50 NBC, Jay Leno. Now that is a sweet car. C.

4:49 Teleflora, flowers in a box. More misogyny*! And from a flower company! Romance and insults: not a fine combination. F.
*We're hypocrites, I know.

4:48 H&R Block, death & taxes. C-.

4:40 Bud Light, "Drinkability." More violence! D+.

4:39 Up trailer. I'll follow Pixar anywhere. B.

4:36 E*TRADE, more talking babies. This conceit is wearing a tad thin. D.

4:35 Hyundai, Car of the Year. Congrats on winning the award, Hyundai. Really—it's an amazing achievement. Now put some of that hard work into advertising. D.

4:24 Cars.com, precocious guy. Someone's been reading that stupid college essay too much. Good execution, though. C-.

4:23 Gatorade, G. Inspirational, yet trite. Plus half a grade for the three-point guy. G-.

4:17 Michaels: "...put a lick on Warner." Isn't that Brenda's job?

4:14 Star Trek trailer. I'm a Star Wars guy, but I'll be seeing this—my first Star Trek movie since 1979.

4:13 Budweiser, Daisy. Needs more dog. C-.

4:12 Budweiser, "Fetch." Like I said, I'm a sucker for dogs. B-.

4:11 Pedigree, exotic pets. Plus half a grade for pro-dog message. B-.

4:11 Pepsi Max, "I'm good." Yay, more gratuitous violence! C-.

4:07 Go Daddy.com, Danica Patrick. Danica, your relevance is fading. But I see that hasn't stopped you from working your delts.

4:06 Doritos, wish fulfillment. Okay, so your fondest desires involve assault, theft and lawlessness. F, but we're going to post a picture of the first victim. For archival purposes, of course.

4:05 Land of the Lost trailer. Please make more movies like Stranger Than Fiction, Will Ferrell. D.

4:03 Castrol, grease monkeys. Plus half a grade for, well, monkeys. C-.

4:03 Fast & Furious trailer. "NOS!" (EXPLOSION) C.

4:01 Bridgestone, The Potato Heads. I get it, wives are critical and talk too much! Ha ha! D-.

3:58 "This is just a screen pass to your tight end." I'll thank you to ignore my tight end, Madden.

3:52 Toyota, Venza. Whata? "Are you Venza?" No I am not. D-.

3:52 Year One trailer. Does not look funny. (But was that Thirteen from "House"? Better put up her picture just in case.) D-.

3:51 Bud Light, Conan O'Brien. Plus half a grade for Conan. C+.

3:44 Doritos, more workplace violence. Is this a theme? Marketers have determined we want to see people get beat up at work. Because they have jobs. D.

3:43 Pepsi, Bob Dylan & will.i.am. I don't mind all those things individually. Together, not so much. C-.

3:42 Heh heh, Al Michaels said referees get multiple shots.

3:40 Audi, Jason Statham. Transporter 4 already? C.

3:39 Angels & Demons trailer. C.

3:39 Bud Light, corporate violence. Should have been a CEO flying out the window. D.

3:37 Frankly, John Madden's fondness for the word "penetration" makes me uncomfortable.

3:30 Hyundai, Billy Corgan. Given how I feel about the Smashing Pumpkins, F.

3:29 F. Scott (not Larry) Fitzgerald and Kurt Warner: two things that do not go well together.

3:24 G.I. Joe trailer Dumb fun. C+.

3:22 Jennifer Hudson singing and fly-bys: two things that go well together. And hi, Sully!

3:17 Nice job on "America the Beautiful," Faith Hill. But a choir behind you makes anybody look and sound good. I'm gonna start blogging with a choir behind meBE-HIND MEEEEE!

3:16 Hello, LeBron commercial lady!

3:09 Unlike SoSG voters, the crowd seems pro-Steelers.

3:01 Is Joan Jett getting royalties from Faith Hill's version of "I Hate Myself for Loving You"?

2:42 Cute girl's monkey can't compete with Dodger Duck, AT&T!

2:38 Your human-interest stories can't melt my heart, NBC!

2:34 "I guess I was a little intimidating." —Larry Fitzgerald's dad. Dads, if you think you're "a little" something, then it means you're A LOT of that something.

2:26 p.m. Cris Collinsworth ♥ Diana Ross!

12 noon, PST Welcome to SoSG's second annual Super Bowl Ad Watch! After much soul-searching and introspection, we realized last year's edition was gratuitous and totally unnecessary. So we've decided to do it again!