Don't Even Think About It, Ned

Did you see it? If you blinked, you would have missed the reference buried deep in the following Associated Press article on Barry Bonds' free agency:

"Bonds will likely be interested in gauging the interest of the Los Angeles Angels and Dodgers. He lives in Southern California in Beverly Hills."

If Ned Colletti jumps on yet another potential ex-Giant, the earth may stop spinning on its axis. Three years ago, even in my deep hatred of Bonds, I would have been open to taking him if he was available. But now, there's no chance he would be welcomed in Chavez Ravine--not by the reporters (who hate him), or the players (who wouldn't be able to fit his recliner and three-locker BS requirement), or the fans (who will break attendance records next year at the Stadium irrespective of whether a team member needs 22 home runs to break the all-time home run record). Heck, the fans will show up even if the Dodgers aren't winning (which is a whole other story).

As for Ned's track record at adding former Giants, Brett Tomko may have been a push at best during 2006 (good start, lousy end), and Ramon Martinez isn't even worth mentioning--but adding a cancer like Bonds would lead to Chavez Ravine opening up and swallowing the stadium into a giant timewarp sinkhole. (Which just might allow the McCourts to finally get their football stadium / retail center of their dreams...but again, that's another story.)

Please, Ned, don't sign Barry. Let Bill Stoneman take him. (The thought of Barry caught in traffic on I-5 is worth the Angels' signing alone.) And if the Southern California options don't work out for Barry, might I suggest Toronto?