A Broken Heart in My Junk E-mail Box

How are you? My name is Alena. I from Russia, city Cheboksary. To me 28 years. I shall tell to you about myself a little.

Hi, Alena! My name is Orel. I from the States, city Los Angeles. GO BLUE! WHOO HOO! Oops, excuse me. Anyhoo, I see you hail from Chewbacca. He's one of my favorite pitchers of the baseball.

I corresponded with the man from the your country before. His name Mark. He is from your country. We had a long correspondence and Mark wanted, that I have arrived to him in the your country that I have seen what life there. We have together submitted the statement on reception of the visa in your country! Mark spoke, that will help my in our meeting. I thought, that have met on the Internet the love.

Damn you, Mark! Bastard!

I, too, have thought, that have met on the Internet the love. Namely here and here. But Tom Brady impregnated them first.

I and Mark made the big plans for the future, but in a flash all has changed. From the moment of submission of the statement for the application of the visa has passed 5 months. For these five months there was for what I least waited. Mark informed, that his former wife has returned to him and lives together with him. Soon they should get married. And now in Mark plans there is no me. I wrote to him some times after that, but Mark have wished me only good luck in the further searches worthy men and have told, that our ways miss. And in October to me there has come the invitation in embassy behind reception of the visa.

Alana, baby, let me tell you a little about life. In life, the proper phrasing is "me and Mark." That'll learn ya to speak English like a real American girl.

Secondly, a little something about men. Sometimes when a man, let's call him Mark, is lonely, or when his wife, let's call her Mindy, isn't, ahem, "in the mood" (damn you, Mindy!), or it's "that time of month" (damn you, Mindy!), or maybe Mindy's on a "business trip" with a "certain male colleague" who's "taller" and "more handsome" than you—er, Mark—sometimes a man needs to reach out, via the wonders of broadband, and start shopping for a hot Russian wife. But sometimes Mindy comes rushing back to Mark because it turns out her co-worker is actually gay and was just using her to get a promotion. What I'm trying to say, Alanna, is people change, hairstyles change, interest rates fluctuate.

In the beginning I wanted to throw out the invitation in embassy. To me it was sad, because my dreams were failed, I have nobody to fly in the your country. But my uncle have dissuaded me from resolute actions and have told, that else there is a chance to find worthy the man and to use the visa to a meeting with him. I well know English and practically I have visa your country. My uncle speaks, that it really solves many problems.

Yes, you certainly do well know English.

Approximately in 7 days the visa will be ready, and I should go to Moscow behind reception of the visa. I write to you because in my heart there is an empty seat. I do not search rich or poor. I search careful and responsible man which wants to enjoy a life together. Is this person you? I think, that I ask not much. I have told to you a little about my life. I have told not all about myself, but it will be easier to me to write about myself if you will ask questions which interest you. I have told to you my history, and now I shall look forward to hearing from you with impatience. Write to me! I shall send you more photo in the following letter. I wait you answer. Alena.

"In my heart there is an empty seat." That brings tears to my eyes, Atlanta. It reminds me of another poet, one who said, "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car."

Hey! Hey! You! You! Get into my car!

In fact, Oleanna, you've inspired me....

I used to think that love was just a fairy tale
Until that first hello until that first smile
But if I had to do it all again I wouldn't change a thing
Cause this love is everlasting

Suddenly life has new meaning to me
There's beauty up above and things we never take notice of
You wake up suddenly you're in love

Girl you're everthing a man could want and more
One thousand words are not enough to say what I feel inside
Holding hands as we walk along the shore
Never felt like this before now you're all I'm living for

Each day I pray this love affair would last forever
There's beauty up above and things you never take notice of
You wake and suddenly you're in love

Excuse me, Olean...I need a moment (sniffle). If you ever make it to L.A., give me a call and I'll take you to a Dodger game.

xxxooo
vr, Orel

Russell Martin to Win Admiration of Prepubescent Crowd

"Blue Crew Fan Club! YES!"

From Dodgers.com:

Blue Crew Fan Club: Dodgers catcher Russell Martin, who burst onto the Major League scene last season, will serve as the leader of the Dodgers' Blue Crew Fan Club for the 2007 season. The Dodgers also announced the launch of their free kids club membership, becoming just one of a few teams in Major League baseball to offer a free kids membership in addition to their traditional basic Blue Crew package.

Gurnick Still Got the Snark

From Ken Gurnick's latest "Mailbag" at Dodgers.com:

Could you put something in your mailbag column to get out the vote for Wes Parker for the 50th Rawlings Gold Glove Award. Wes is the only Dodger on the ballot, and he is well deserving, winning the Gold Glove Award his last six seasons. Voting can be done daily at www.rawlingsgoldglove.com.
-- Ed G., Cleveland

With pleasure. Parker, a first baseman with Los Angeles from 1964 to 1972, is the best defensive player I've ever seen in a Dodgers uniform. When he was working with prospects a few years ago, he still looked like the best defensive player in a Dodgers uniform.

Delino Don't Know Jack

Worst... Bracket.... EVER.

King Lear - Starring Roger Clemens

Forget the new production of Lear at the Public Theater starring Kevin Kline. (Actually, it's probably pretty good. Get tickets here) The real King Lear is Roger Clemens. Once again, the daughters vying for his affection (Goneril, Regan, and the honest Cordelia) are being portrayed by the dastardly Yankees, Astros, and not-so-hateable Red Sox. He expects these teams to bend over backwards and rope him the moon for the privilege of having an extra handful of wins.

The most annoying part is that Clemens refuses to give his answer until May... just in time for Opening Day. Like Steven Seagal, Roger Clemens is viewing himself as above the law (and hard to kill). Three years ago, I was thrilled to watch live as he was lit up for six runs against the Reds. I thought it'd be my last chance to see him pitch. Nope. Clemens now lets these teams blow millions and reshuffle their whole line up for his mid-Act II dramatic entrance. Then again, if he stayed retired, the world would have been robbed of watching the Astors screw him repeatedly with their lousy production. His 1.87 ERA and 13-8 record in 2005 simply boggles the mind. Delino's 2007 prediction - He gets paid one million per start for the Yanks, puts up a 2.5 ERA and a .500 record. Or maybe like the other Lear, he'll lose his mind and start howling at the moon.

Broxton Bombed

Washington 9, LA Dodgers 1

11 Pitchers

From "Little says team will start with 11 pitchers: The decision opens a spot for a position player, probably either Loney, Bigbie or Valdez" by Steve Henson at the L.A. Times:

VIERA, Fla. -- James Loney, Larry Bigbie and Wilson Valdez aren't pitchers, but a decision regarding the staff is expected to impact at least one of them greatly.

The Dodgers will begin the season with 11 pitchers instead of 12, Manager Grady Little said today, creating a 14th opening for a position player. Vying for that spot are Loney, a polished first baseman and neophyte outfielder who led the minor leagues with a .380 batting average in triple A last season; Bigbie, an outfielder with power who has been impressive after signing a minor league contract; and Valdez, a journeyman utility player whose versatility and strong spring have kept him in contention.

Loney has nothing to prove at triple-A except developing power, yet he would be the easiest of the three players to demote because he has minor league options. Bigbie's contract has an escape clause that would enable him to sign with another team if the Dodgers try to send him down. Valdez is out of options and could sign with another team if he's not on the opening day roster.

Don't like how this looks for Loney, who deserves that spot, but Bigbie's got the Bigbat.

David Wells Has Diabetes, Plans to Stop Eating

From "Wells makes major lifestyle changes due to diabetes" at ESPN.com:

David Wells revealed Sunday that he has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, but he vows to beat the disease and he has already drastically changed his lifestyle in order to do so....

"From the time I found out, I made changes. No more starches and sugar. No more rice, pasta, potatoes and white bread. No more fast food. I've cut out alcohol."

Bad but unsurprising news for Wells and Padres fans. How will he handle a major change in diet over the course of a 162-game season?

Latest Round of Cuts

From "Dodgers reassign 'The Billionaire': White, along with six other players, sent to Minor Leagues" by Ken Gurnick at Dodgers.com:

VIERA, Fla. -- Left-hander Matt White, whose quest to make the Dodgers' pitching staff as a non-roster invitee was overshadowed by revelations of his billion-dollar rock find, was one of seven players demoted Monday morning.

In addition to White, the Dodgers assigned to Minor League camp John Meloan, outfielder Choo Freeman and infielder Tony Abreu, who injured his shoulder Saturday and is out for two to four weeks. Pitchers D.J. Houlton and Eric Stults and outfielder Delwyn Young were optioned.

Bruce Bochy Shows Barry Bonds Who's Boss

From "Giants give Bonds three-day break from spring training" at CBSSportsLine.com:

SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. -- Barry Bonds went home for a three-day spring break in the middle of spring training.

onds will return from his excused absence on Tuesday, the day after the San Francisco Giants' only scheduled day off of the spring.

Nearly all of the players who did not make the trip to Tucson on Saturday were given the day off. With the entire team off on Monday, manager Bruce Bochy gave the slugger Sunday's game against the Kansas City Royals off as well.

Bonds has been in good form at the plate this spring, hitting four home runs in his past seven games. Overall, Bonds is hitting .348 with four homers and nine RBI in 23 spring training at-bats.

Meet the new boss...same as the old boss.

Spring Training Errorfest Continues

INDIANS 5, DODGERS 0

Weekend Conversation: Angels Billboards, Everywhere! Begs the Question, Do You Care?

Driving around the city of Los Angeles around March the last two years, one can’t help but notice more red around town. On billboards and bus stop posters, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim seem to have canvassed the city with their logo and players. Two years ago it was “Angels Baseball”, last year it was close ups of some of their more prominent players, and this year, it’s just a simple “A” with the halo around it.

This year the Angels hit the town even earlier than the Dodgers’ outdoor campaign, and it’s a noticeable sight. You can’t help but notice the red, and you can’t help notice the lack of blue. Arte Moreno, whose financial and business empire was built on outdoor advertising, certainly has grabbed a first-mover advantage this spring.

And I have to say, even as a lifelong Dodger fan, it’s pretty cool. I don’t mind the Angels’ billboards over in our Dodgers territory, and I think Los Angeles is a big enough city to handle two teams. And though all this advertising won’t change my allegiances (nor will it compel me to make the hour-long hump down behind the Orange Curtain to Anaheim), I appreciate the team’s efforts to expand its fan base.

in the other two American cities with two teams, New York and Chicago, the cities have made its people choose sides. Yankees or Mets, but not both. White Sox or Cubs, but not both.

But I think Los Angeles can have both. We support the Lakers and the Clippers, and even though the Lakers are indisputably the big dog, it’s fine to support both. I feel the same way about the Dodgers and their six world championships being the big team, and the Angels with its one championship being the little guy. In 2002, I was fortunate enough to be at the three-home-run game of Adam Kennedy in the ALCS (which knocked out the Twins), and I have to say it made for pretty compelling theater and was a blast of a game. (And after all, I have the Angels to thank for keeping the hated Giants from winning the 2002 World Series.)

I’ll always be a Dodger fan over an Angel fan. Period. But I’d support the Angels in the AL—-and I don’t think I’m cheating on the Dodgers to do so. And even though I have a “Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles” t-shirt, I’m cool with the Angels grabbing the Los Angeles name as well. Can’t we all get along? I think we can.

What do you think?

Frank McCourt to Fix Everything This Year. You Will Pay for It

From Dodgers.com:

As for Dodger Stadium, [Frank] McCourt said the ongoing renovation this offseason included infrastructure work in preparation for next offseason's expansion of the concourses and an overhaul of traffic flow into and out of the Dodger Stadium parking lot that will go into effect this year.

He said the number of lot attendants will be doubled and the traffic patterns that have existed relatively unchanged since the stadium opened 45 years ago will be changed, with new signs and lights and the renaming or renumbering of lots.

McCourt said parking was one of three major projects his new ownership undertook based on fan input. The other two are stadium seats, which have all been replaced, and long concession lines, which he said will be resolved next year with the expansion of the concourses and doubling of concession stands and restroom facilities.

An overhaul of traffic flow? Fantastic! But every silver lining has a cloud. From Dodger Blues:

Yes, Frank McCourt has increased parking at the stadium to $15 a car. Yes, he's a dick. But you're the bigger asshole for actually paying the $15. Unless you've got gangrene and can't walk more than a couple hundred feet, park your friggin' car outside the stadium and get some goddamn exercise. Believe me, you can find parking... unless, of course, McCourt manages to convince the City of LA to ban street parking around the stadium, in which case he can eat my rotting dingleberries.

And as for "the expansion of the concourses and doubling of concession stands and restroom facilities," where exactly are twice the number of food stands and bathrooms going to fit? Hey Frank—crank-operated relish dispensers above the urinal troughs don't count.

Tony Abreu Takes Spring Training Too Seriously, Injures Shoulder

From Dodgers.com:

VERO BEACH, Fla. -- Promising Dodgers' infield prospect Tony Abreu left Saturday's game with a left shoulder injury suffered when he dived headfirst into second base on an unsuccessful steal attempt.

Abreu remained prone and in pain for several minutes, then was carted off the field. He had his arm placed in a sling and was taken to a local hospital for X-rays to determine if the injury was worse than a sprain.

Abreu said his shoulder jammed when he hit the ground with arms fully extended in front of him. He was in noticeable pain on the field and said it was even worse as he was dressing to leave for the hospital. He said he had no history of shoulder injuries.

The 22-year-old Abreu, the No. 5-ranked prospect in the organization according to Baseball America, was having one of the most impressive camps on the club. He had just singled in the bottom of the seventh inning, raising his Spring Training batting average to .394. His 10 RBIs are tied for the club lead. He played last year at Double-A Jacksonville.

UPDATE: Abreu will be out 2-4 weeks.

Dodger Green Trumps Astro Orange

LA Dodgers 7, Houston 5

photo by Jon SooHoo/Dodgers

Logan White Drives a Hard Bargain

From "La Roche trying to prove his worth: Dodgers' top prospect likely to start '07 at Triple-A Las Vegas" (Dodgers.com):

Logan White, the Dodgers' scouting director, rolled the dice. [Andy] La Roche said he expected to go undrafted and learned he was taken three days later with a phone call from his older brother. Two months went by before White decided to take up formal negotiations, winding up across the table from LaRoche -- no agent, no family member.

"I told him it had to be more than a million," said La Roche, who had broken his leg in the Cape Cod League. "Logan said the Dodgers would pay me a million, and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a penny and gave it to me and said, 'That's more than a million, we've got a deal.'"

Said White: "First time I ever had to pay part of a player's bonus myself."

Greg Miller Optioned to Minors

From the L.A. Times:

Miller sent down

The Dodgers made one roster move Friday morning, optioning pitcher Greg Miller to minor league camp. Miller was 2-0 in Grapefruit League play despite giving up five runs and nine hits in eight innings. He also hit four batters and walked three.

"We like the way he pitched," Little said. "He needs to start some games in the minor leagues and to be ready to do that he needs to get more innings right now than we're able to give him. A young man with a gifted arm like he has and the condition he's in right now, he can learn more about pitching by starting games and working more innings."

Dice-K, Guo-K Rained Out

Rain cuts Kuo's outing short: Dodgers-Red Sox game called in third due to weather (Dodgers.com)

From "Kuo needs to step up" (Dodgers.com):

Friday's anticipated all-Asian matchup with Boston's Daisuke Matsuzaka was washed out in the third inning, but the image of [Hong-Chih] Kuo serving up three home runs in 12 batters faced can't be erased.

Even worse, he walked Matsuzaka on a 3-2 pitch, even though the Japanese sensation was told not to swing and everybody knew it, including Kuo.

Headline of the Day

From MLB.com - Putz awaiting MRI results. I wonder if he's related to New York's famous Judge Schmuck (who presided over ''Glanzer v. Shepard''.. whatever the F that is). And I bet ya' nobody has EVER made fun of Putz's name before.

Coming soon to a Reservation Near You

I'd put up a link here, but I think we're all sick of reading about Pete "Every" Rose "Has Its Thorn." There's not much to add to his Barkely-esque saga, except... you know it's bad when you're portrayed by Tom Sizemore (Saving Private Ryan, Heat, True Romance, Untitled Homemade Videos**)

[redacted] Guess Tom's trying to go legit again.