In a Word, OW!

The ESPN headline seemed innocuous enough: Matsui to have surgery; Astros hope to keep second baseman off DL. I assumed he pulled a muscle, or dislocated a finger. Nope. As ESPN fearlessly reported,

KISSIMMEE, Fla. -- Houston Astros second baseman Kazuo Matsui will undergo surgery to repair an anal fissure on Monday in Houston.

Matsui has struggled with the health problem for much of spring training and was diagnosed with the condition earlier this week. The expected recovery time after the surgery is two weeks.

Ironically, an anal fissure is exactly what he once brought to the Mets infield.

PS Never Google-Image "Anal Fissure." Trust me.