Matt Kemp Has Better Things To Do Than Bother With Donald Sterling

Two parts to this story. First, big props to Matt Kemp, who reacted to being dragged into the Donald Sterling racism fiasco by rising above it all:

On Sunday, Deadspin released an extended, 15-minute version of the alleged conversation between Clippers owner Donald Sterling and his mistress at the time, V. Stiviano, in which Sterling admonishes Stiviano for “associating” with African-Americans. The racially charged conversation stemmed from Stiviano posting a photo with NBA legend and Basketball Hall of Famer Magic Johnson on her Instagram account.

According to the new audio, there was also a photo with Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Matt Kemp that dominated a segment in the latter portion of the conversation. Prior to Sunday's game against the Colorado Rockies, Kemp was subsequently asked to comment on his name being dragged into the mess and his feelings on the situation in general.

Here's what he had to say, courtesy of the Los Angeles Times Dylan Hernandez. [...]

Matt Kemp, who was dragged into the Sterling mess, said it would be "tough" for him to attend Clippers games.

— Dylan Hernandez (@dylanohernandez) April 27, 2014

Kemp recalls taking a picture with Sterling's mistress. Laughing, he said he never expected it would lead to this.

— Dylan Hernandez (@dylanohernandez) April 27, 2014

[...] Unfortunately for Kemp, he's been dragged into the mess directly, though not at all voluntarily. More questions will certainly come his way, but I think his one response says it all.

"Racism is kind of old."

You know what else is old, Matt? Shoddy print advertising efforts! Don't waste your breath on this bozo.

And here's part 2. It's not like Kemp didn't find more subtle ways to protest Sterling's idiocy. As per Deadspin, Kemp used Michael Jackson's "Black Or White" as his walkup song Sunday.

Donald Sterling And The Skies Of Lava

Yet another horrible chop-shop advertisement from Clippers owner Donald Sterling.

Where would you like to live? Perhaps, in one of Donald Sterling's many apartment buildings, all of which fall under brilliant blood-red, apocalypse-threatening skies?

Perhaps you want to live in a building in Westwood (column 1), which looks remarkably similar to the Wilshire Corridor (column 2)? Or in Mid-Wilshire (column 3), which looks exactly like Granada Hills (column 4)?

Or maybe you want to live in the Hollywood sign? Or in an apartment building that looks exactly like a woman's giant face, in Koreatown? Or just frolic around with happy people on the beach, in myriad Sterling properties?

It's funny how all those red skies make for pretty unappealing real estate ads.

Dig that high-tech laser show!

In Which We Pound Sterling

...for hiring monkeys to create his newspaper advertisements. From the print edition of today's LA Times (the ad measures 10"x7"):

That's some vintage Donald Sterling copy right there. Confusingly unhyphenated terms? Check. Redundant $/dollar use? Check. Baffling conflation of condominium and apartment? Check.

And the kicker: Too cheap to purchase rights to a stock photo? Check.

Happy New Year!

Donald sterling Should Spend some $Dollars On a copy Editor

I figure it would only cost around $Thirty Thousand Dollars a year, right?

(From today's LAT.)

More Sterling Spelling Slip-Ups (Part 2 in a Series)

Yes, it's another edition of Cheap Donald Sterling and his lame-ass print ads in the Los Angeles Times! This time, let's give a big shout out to all those underprivileDged kids who can't afford spelling lessons, and show them how we'll ship them off to Malibu! Here's an ad from the Monday, March 12, 2012 LAT:

But just in case you happen to be a underprivileDged child aged 8-16 who isn't terrified by a man whose head is the same height as a horse's head. Check out this other ad, in the same paper, with even more poorly superimposed stock footage images (and this time, Sterling's head is so big, it can't even fit in the frame)!

Why not spend your summer being attacked by a herd of cows! And a passel of pigs! And Magnum P.I.'s helicopter (hopefully, that's TC behind the steering wheel)!

Sounds like a pretty peaceful summer to me. Can't wait for the summer camp spelling bee competition!

Earlier: Part 1

Donald Sterling Skimps On Copywriting (Part 1 in a Series)

For years now, I have been amazed at Clippers owner Donald Sterling's absurdity. Here is a man with incredible wealth, with ownership of a professional basketball team and a rich portfolio of real estate assets, who is looking to publicize his philanthropic efforts and donations. He places advertisements in the print edition of the Los Angeles Times with stunning regularity. One would think that these self-promoting efforts would at least create some semblance of goodwill about his noblesse, his philhanthropic nature, his kind heart.

Except that these ads are so poorly written, so rife with errors, so careless in their assembly and so horrific in their styling, that the end result goes right in the face of the objective Sterling is trying to achieve.

These ads don't make Sterling look noble and kind. Rather, they make him look like he's a cheap buffoon who can't even afford a high-school graphic design student or a proofreading computer program.

This first ad is the one I've been saving up for months; "Helping kids breath in LA" (in the headline, no less!):

And then, just yesterday, I saw this one in the LA Times. I mean really, two errors in one paragraph?

Sure, maybe Sterling won't spend minimum wage to get some monkey to pretty up his print advertisements. Who reads a print newspaper nowadays, anyway? But then why go through the effort and cost in the first place? And where is the publicist or personal assistant or lawyer or chambermaid to help save Donald from himself?

So I'm going to start running these when I see them, and tagging them appropriately. Unfuckingbelievable, that guy.