Saturday, July 09, 2016

GUEST POST: Turned and Burned or: One Man’s Lament About Missing the Second Biggest Dodger Game of the Year

SOSG Todd -  author of A Very Pleasant Good Evening -  provided us the following requiem about his Sophie's Choice to miss a Dodger game that may have been scheduled specifically for him.  Read on, SOSG-slingers.

Greetings from the Northwoods of Wisconsin. I’m writing this little missive on my computer in a cozy, woods adjacent guesthouse that’s about half a mile from the nearest wifi signal.   While I feel myself growing more Unabomber by the day, “going to town” to check email has helped stave off the effects of willingly spending three weeks without cable. 

Except there was one recent email from the Sons’ own Big Daddy Delino that nearly pushed me to the edge of the envelope. Its subject was to the point and took a negative-g dive straight to my heart: how are you missing this?!?!?  The body of the email contained no pleasantries. Only a link to get tickets for Movie Night at Dodger Stadium. 

Back when my wife and I booked our trip up here for a 4th of July blowout with a squadron of my cousins, I realized my rather flexible employment situation and the Dodgers’ schedule had come together in perfect harmony, like two best friends who can finish each other’s sentences and perfectly execute high fives that have a high degree of difficulty. 

I could stay for nearly a month and only miss four extra Dodger games. The ones I was really bummed about missing were Old Timer’s Day and Movie Night, which at the time was still just Movie Night but is always fun.  Then the grim truth was revealed. “Movie Night” was really “Hey Todd, We’re Going To Be Playing Your Absolute Favorite Movie of All-Time* While You’re Stuck in the Woods and Your Wife Won’t Let You Cut Your Vacation Short Because She Wants the House to Herself Night.” 
That’s right. Tonight’s post-game feature film at Dodger Stadium is Top Gun. 

And what am I going to be doing? 

Oh, just sitting here in this cable-free guesthouse NOT watching the Greatest Movie Ever Made* in arguably the most hallowed place you could ever watch it. But it’s cool, I’m still going to make a little party for myself. There’s a DVD player and an assortment of movies in the house. Maybe I’ll carve out some time to finally see what that Good Burger hype is all about or take a ride into the danger zone by watching Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 without having ever seen the first chapter. 

No really, I’ll be OK. You don’t have to worry about me following Goose’s dog tags into the depths of Somewhere in the Indian Ocean. I’d have to walk a good mile out into Chequamegon Bay to find deep enough water anyway.  I know Vin Scully won’t add to his legend as the Iceman of baseball by wearing a sweet pair of mirrored aviators when he welcomes fans to the game on DodgerVision. 

I know Chase Utley totally won’t go by the call sign Slider tonight.  I know A.J. Ellis would never walk up to “Take My Breath Away.”   And I know there’s no way Puig would ever serenade Alanna Rizzo with “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” when she interviews him after his walk-off hit. 

That’s right. I just called the ball.   Y’all have fun tonight while I’m playing with my boys Ed, Dexter, and Paul B. Heck we might even get a little beach volleyball game going. Sundown doesn’t happen until 10 up here. 

*Top Gun’s status as the greatest movie ever made excludes any of the films that comprise the original Star Wars trilogy. 

Thank you for sharing your sadness and regret, Todd.   It's not too late for you reading this - tickets still available for today's game / Top Gun screening.   Though I'd rather wait until Dodger Stadium screens this far more worthy aerial adventure.... 


Cliff Beefpile said...

I think Val Kilmer might have dislocated his hips sucking in his gut up there.

Fred's Brim said...

Lou Gossett has the look of "how the FUCK did I get talked into a third one?"

Delino DeShields, Sr said...

The straight to video sequel might be my favorite genre!