So, yesterday you Met Smonk. Today, you learn how you can Get Smonk. This is how the lucky reader/Smonk recipient will be determined:
- Comment here as you please
- Whenever this thread goes without a comment for 48 hours, the reader who made the last comment wins! (comments from the Sons don't count)
- For your convenience, a "SoSG Smonkstakes" link to this thread has been placed on the sidebar.
Nothing more to it. Probably the simplest SoSG competition yet. Any questions ask here. I will leave you with more photos of Smonk during his SoSG tattoo surgical procedure:
Let the war of attrition begin!
3622 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 2201 – 2400 of 3622 Newer› Newest»ELAINE: Yeah.
YODA: That place...is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain
of evil it is. In you must go.
JERRY: Whatta ya tip a "wood guy"?
LUKE: What's in there?
GEORGE: [looking intensively at the form with the apartment description] I didn't know there was a fireplace?
YODA: Only what you take with you.
ELAINE: Look! Look at...look at this! There's a garden.
Luke looks warily between the tree and Yoda. He starts to
strap on his weapon belt.
GEORGE: A garden! I can't believe there's a garden!
YODA: Your weapons...you will not need them.
JERRY: Would I have to get a gardener?
Luke gives the tree a long look, than shakes his head "no."
Yoda shrugs. Luke reaches up to brush aside some hanging vines
and enters the tree.
ELAINE: Yeah, you can get a gardener.
INTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- TREE CAVE
Luke moves into the almost total darkness of the wet and
slimy cave. The youth can barely make out the edge of the
passage. Holding his lit saber before him, he sees a lizard
crawling up the side of the cave and a snake wrapped around
the branches of a tree. Luke draws a deep breath, then pushes
deeper into the cave.
a
JERRY: You tip him?
The space widens around him, but he feels that rather than
sees it. His sword casts the only light as he peers into the
darkness. It is very quiet here.
ELAINE: You can.
The decision of Cesc Fabregas to stay at Arsenal is a ‘huge lift for everyone', according to Arsène Wenger
On Thursday, the Spanish midfielder trained with his club-mates for the first time since winning the World Cup in July. A day later, he declared his intention to stay at Emirates Stadium despite intense interest from Barcelona. Later that same day in Poland, Wenger outlined the importance of that decision.
"He is our captain, he is our leader," said the Frenchman ahead of Saturday's friendly at Legia Warsaw.
"You could see yesterday in the training session how much a lift it is for everybody who loves Arsenal. When I was at the World Cup I met so many people in South Africa and the first thing I heard was ‘don't let Fabregas go'. That means it is a huge lift for everybody who loves the Club.
GEORGE: [to Elaine] You don't tip a gardener!
Then, a loud hiss! Darth Vader appears across the
blackness, illuminated by his own just-ignited laser sword.
Immediately, he charges Luke, saber held high. He is upon the
youth in seconds, but Luke sidesteps perfectly and slashes at
Vader with his sword.
You guys are still here???
Vader is decapitated. His helmet-encased head flies from
his shoulders as his body disappears into the darkness. The
metallic banging of the helmet fills the cave as Vader's head
spins and bounces, smashes on the floor, and finally stops.
ELAINE: You can tip a gardener.
For an instant it rests on the floor, then it cracks
vertically. The black helmet and breath mask fall away to
reveal...Luke's head.
GEORGE: You don't need a gardener.
Across the space, the standing Luke gasps at the sight,
wide-eyed in terror.
ELAINE: Jerry, you can barbecue back here [points to garden].
JERRY: They deliver the coal?
The decapitated head fades away, as in a vision.
ELAINE: Sure, it's...probably the same guy, who delivers the wood.
EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- CAVE -- DUSK
Meanwhile, Yoda sits on the root, calmly leaning on his
Gimer Stick.
jumptotherythmjumpjumptotherythmjump
[[[[[[Torture post]]]]]]
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- VADER'S STAR DESTROYER
Vader's Imperial Star Destroyer moves through space,
guarded by its convoy of TIE fighters.
Eventually this post will be larger than Google itself.
JERRY: Oh, than I gotta tip him.
INTERIOR: VADER'S STAR DESTROYER -- BRIDGE -- CONTROL DECK
Vader stands in the back control area of his ship's bridge
with a motley group of men and creatures. Admiral Piett and
two controllers stand at the front of the bridge and watch the
group with scorn.
ELAINE: Oh damn, this place is incredible, look at all this great light!
PIETT: Bounty hunters. We don't need that scum.
JERRY: I don't have any plants.
FIRST CONTROLLER: Yes, sir.
GEORGE: I have plants.
PIETT: Those Rebels won't escape us.
a
a
A second controller interrupts.
ELAINE: Jerry, look at this closet! Look at this! I'm walking in it! [walks in the closet] It's a "walk-in". Can you believe it? I'm nuts about this, what do you think?!
SECOND CONTROLLER: Sir, we have a priority signal from the Star
Destroyer Avenger.
JERRY: [closes the closet with Elaine still in it]...I like that. [opens the closet, Elaine walks out with an angry look] What do ya think, George?
PIETT: Right.
GEORGE: It's your decision.
The group standing before Vader is a bizarre array of
galactic fortune hunters: There is Bossk, a slimy, tentacled
monster with two huge, bloodshot eyes in a soft baggy face;
Zuckuss and Dengar, two battle-scarred, mangy human types;
IG-88, a battered, tarnished chrome war droid; and Boba Fett,
a man in a weapon-covered armored space suit.
JERRY: [walks around with Elaine walking next to him, copying his every move. Suddenly Jerry stops walking; Elaine is not able to copy this "move"; they look at each other laughing] I'm takin' it, I'm takin' the place, I'm gonna take it, this is gonna be my new place, I'm livin' here...I'm movin'.
a
ELAINE: [laughing with joy] Your movin'? That means I'm movin'. [hugs Jerry] Gheeeeee [runs to George] isn't that incredible!
a
GEORGE: Congratulations. [obviously not so thrilled by the fact]
VADER: ...there will be a substantial reward for the one who finds
the Millennium Falcon. You are free to use any methods necessary, but
I want them alive. No disintegrations.
I'm giving you a pass, Mr F. But only because I live in fear of Sax.
BOBA FETT: As you wish.
{{{{ Torture post }}}}
[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry and Elaine are there.]
At that moment, Admiral Piett approaches Vader in a rush of
excitement.
ELAINE: What about the couch?
PIETT: Lord Vader! My lord, we have them.
JERRY: You like the couch? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do.
EXTERIOR: IMPERIAL STAR DESTROYER, AVENGER -- ASTEROID BELT
The Millennium Falcon speeds through deep space, closely
followed by a firing Imperial Star Destroyer. A large asteroid
about the same size as the Falcon tumbles rapidly toward the
starship. The tiny Falcon banks to avoid the giant asteroid as
smaller rocks pelt its surface. Then the small craft roars
under the asteroid which explodes harmlessly on the hull of
the vast Star Destroyer.
ELAINE: What?
INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON -- COCKPIT
The ship shudders as flak explodes near the cockpit window.
Threepio checks a tracking scope an the side control panel
while Leia watches tensely out the window.
JERRY: You're movin' in, you're a good friend, I wanna start you off on the right foot. Give me...$150 dollars. [Elaine looks shocked, Jerry opens the door to the hall] Get it out a here right now, take it out the door, I don't even wanna see it, go, get it out.
THREEPIO: Oh, thank goodness we're coming out of the asteroid field.
Calibrating from a secret location.
aiming
aiming
aiming
Chewie barks excitedly as the rain of asteroids begins to
subside. A bolt from the Star Destroyer sets up a fiery
explosion on the back side of the Falcon, causing it to lurch
to one side.
ELAINE: A $150 dollars? A $150 dollars for what? For this couch?
EXTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON -- STAR DESTROYER, AVENGER -- ASTEROID FIELD
The Falcon is hit hard by another bolt from the Star
Destroyer which creates a huge explosion near the cockpit of
the smaller ship. The Falcon tilts steeply, then rights
itself.
JERRY: Yeah!
INTERIOR: MILLENNIUM FALCON -- COCKPIT
ELAINE: For this couch?!
Han corrects the angle of his ship.
JERRY: [shuts the door] OK, you tell me, what is it worth?
HAN: Let's get out of here. Ready for light-speed? One...two...three!
Han pulls back on the hyperspace throttle and -- nothing
happens. Flak bursts continue to rock the ship.
2300
ELAINE: OK, uuhh...I'll tell you what...I could go as high as uh... [takes a closer look at couch] I don't know, maybe...$20 dollars?
HAN: (frantic) It's not fair!
JERRY: [has a "you-can't-be-serious-look" on his face; the apartment buzzer goes off; Jerry speaks over the intercom] Yeah?
Chewie is very angry and starts to growl and bark at his
friend and captain. Again, Han desperately pulls back on the
throttle.
GEORGE: [outside over the intercom] Yeah, it's George.
HAN: The transfer circuits are working. It's not my fault!
JERRY: Come on up. [opens the door; walks back to the couch] Oh, all right, forget it, I'm gonna take it with me now... [picks up the cushions] I'm just gonna pack up the cushions right now...
Are We There Yet?
ELAINE: OK ok ok ok, you win: $40 dollars.
Chewie puts his head in his hands, whining.
JERRY: You wanna get the other end, 'cause I wanna get it in the hall. [acts like he's going to lift up the couch]
LEIA: (almost expecting it) No light-speed?
ELAINE: $50 dollars, OK? $50 dollars, is that all right?
HAN: It's not my fault.
JERRY: $50 dollars?
THREEPIO: Sir, we just lost the main rear deflector shield. One more
direct hit on the back quarter and we're done for.
ELAINE: Uh-huh.
Han pauses for a moment, makes a decision, and pulls back
on a lever.
JERRY: Thank you very much.
HAN: Turn her around.
ELAINE: Thank you very much.
Chewie barks in puzzlement.
GEORGE: [walks in and closes the door] Hey, what's goin' on?
HAN: I said turn her around! I'm going to put all power in the front
shield.
ELAINE: I just bought Jerry's couch for $50 dollars.
LEIA: You're going to attack them?!
JERRY: [to George] So did you bring the lease? [George takes the lease from his inside pocket and hands it to Jerry] All right, ghee, three years, that kinda seems like a long time.
THREEPIO: Sir, the odds of surviving a direct assault on an Imperial
Star Destroyer...
GEORGE: Oh, Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry [said very quickly], listen, if, if you are feeling uncomfortable about this at all, at all: do not feel like you have to take it.
Clooney's the grab of the Emmys?
LEIA: Shut up!
JERRY: Why?
EXTERIOR: SPACE -- MILLENNIUM FALCON -- ASTEROID FIELD
The Falcon banks, makes a steep, twisting turn. In the
next moment it is racing toward the Star Destroyer, looking
very small against the massive surface of the Imperial ship.
As it moves across the surface of the Star Destroyer, the
Falcon bobs and weaves to avoid the numerous flak bursts.
[Torture Post]
a
dudes, it's a STUFFED TOY SOCK MONKEY
you guys crack me up!
On to September!
it's a pride thing at this point, screw the toy!
Well, okay, not really, I want the damned toy.
INTERIOR: STAR DESTROYER, AVENGER -- BRIDGE
The tiny Falcon heads directly for the Avenger's bridge.
The Imperials stationed there are stunned to see the small
spaceship racing low across the hull, headed directly at the
huge windows of the bridge area. Alarms go off everywhere. The
Destroyer's commander, Captain Needa, can scarcely believe his
eyes.
GEORGE: If you're having second thoughts, if you didn't want it, don't worry about it because uh, ya know, I, I...I could take it, ya know. [said with a "for-instance-look" on his face]
NEEDA: They're moving to attack position. Shields up!
This contest could last longer than the Dodgers season!
not probably. Will.
JERRY: You could take it? You want it?
Needa and his men duck as the Falcon nears the bridge
window. At the last minute, the Falcon veers off and out of
sight. All is quiet.
GEORGE: No, I don't want it. I want it, if you don't want it.
NEEDA: Track them,. They may come around for another pass.
JERRY: So you do want it.
TRACKING OFFICER: Captain Needa, the ship no longer appears on our
scopes.
a
NEEDA: They can't have disappeared. No ship that small has a cloaking
device.
GEORGE: No I, I want it if you don't want it!
a
JERRY: You just said, you wanted it!
TRACKING OFFICER: Well, there's no trace of them, sir.
GEORGE: No, I'm saying, if a situation arose in which you didn't want it, I might take it.
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: Captain, Lord Vader demands an update on the
pursuit.
JERRY: [picks up the lease and hands it to George] So take it.
[Taunt]
GEORGE: [refuses to take the lease from Jerry; Elaine looks worried] How can I take it?!
NEEDA: (drawing a breath) Get a shuttle ready. I shall assume full
responsibility for losing them, and apologize to Lord Vader.
Meanwhile, continue to scan the area.
JERRY: How can I take it?
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: Yes, Captain Needa.
GEORGE: It's your apartment!
EXTERIOR: DAGOBAH -- BOG -- DAY
Luke's face is upside-down and showing enormous strain. He
stands on his hands, with Yoda perched on his feet. Opposite
Luke and Yoda are two rocks the size of bowling balls. Luke
stares at the rocks and concentrates. One of the rocks lifts
from the ground and floats up to rest on the other.
Zombie passing through.
JERRY: How can I want it now, if you want it?
YODA: Use the Force. Yes...
Yoda taps Luke's leg. Quickly, Luke lifts one hand from the
ground. His body wavers, but he maintains his balance. Artoo,
standing nearby, is whistling and beeping frantically.
ELAINE: Excuse me, uuhh, I don't mean to cause any trouble here, but George, if you take it, can I take your place?
YODA: Now...the stone. Feel it.
GEORGE: Yes, but I am not taking it.
smonk is one fuckin' lonely sock monkey by this stage
if only y'all bastiches would stop commenting and let Smonk come my way, we could all live a whole lot easier!
Luke concentrates on trying to lift the top rock. It rises
a few feet, shaking under the strain. But, distracted by
Artoo's frantic beeping, Luke loses his balance and finally
collapses. Yoda jumps clear.
SMONK
YODA: Concentrate!
We have been playing like garbage ever since Smonk arrived. He's a curse!!
JERRY: I...am not taking it. [drops the lease demonstratively]
Grither Grither Grither!
ELAINE: Well, one of you better damn well take it!
Annoyed at the disturbance, Luke looks over at Artoo, who
is rocking urgently back and forth in front of him.
Artoo waddles closer to Luke, chirping wildly, then scoots
over the edge of the swamp. Catching on, Luke rushes to the
water's edge. The X-wing fighter has sunk, and only the tip of
its nose shows above the lake's surface.
JERRY: Well, whatta you wanna do here?
LUKE: Oh, no. We'll never get it out now.
GEORGE: I, I don't know. [makes a gesture, that he doesn't know]
Yoda stamps his foot in irritation.
YODA: So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you
nothing that I say?
JERRY: Do you wanna flip a coin?
a
Luke looks uncertainly out at the ship.
GEORGE: ...Who flips?...You'll flip, I'll call.
LUKE: Master, moving stones around is one thing. This is totally
different.
JERRY: OK, fine...[takes a coin from his pocket] This is the official flip! No crying, no guilt, winner takes all and that's it, agreed?
YODA: No! No different! Only different in your mind. You must unlearn
what you have learned.
GEORGE: I'm good.
LUKE: (focusing, quietly) All right, I'll give it a try.
ELAINE: I don't know who to root for, George's place has
carpeting.
a
JERRY: All right, now you call it in the air.
a
YODA: No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
GEORGE: No catchin'.
Luke closes his eyes and concentrates on thinking the ship
out.
JERRY: No no.
Slowly, the X-wing's nose begins to rise above the water.
It hovers for a moment and then slides back, disappearing once
again.
GEORGE: Flip it. [Jerry flips the coin] Heads! [the coin hits the table. It falls on the floor; they all look intently at the coin]
a
JERRY: Tails!
LUKE: (panting heavily) I can't. It's too big.
a
GEORGE: No, it hit the table, it hit the table.
YODA: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hm?
Mmmm.
JERRY: So what?
Luke shakes his head.
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